Archive for November 24th, 2010

24
Nov
10

It was unprecedented. I mean, it was the first truly mutual breakup in relationship history.*

Dear Kelly,

Does the title of this letter not say it all?  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of history, we must have had the easiest breakup of all-time, or at the very least top 5.  It’s only fitting that I’m writing to you now, as it was just before Thanksgiving a year ago when we ended things.  Before I get to the night of our breakup, lets rehash our courtship (awesome word) and few months of dating first.

If they can do it...so can we (photo courtesy of NBC)

You facebooked me, that was all it took.  I don’t think more than 10 words had ever passed between us and so your friend request was somewhat random in my book.  I figured, ‘eff it…here is a girl who is cute, single, in the area, successful, into lots of the same things, ask her out.’  So I did what any guy in his mid 20′s would do (and for the record, early 20′s = 20-23, mid 20′s = 24-28, late 20′s = 29), I asked if you were interested in grabbing dinner sometime….via facebook message.  You said yes.  I love how we didn’t even have each other’s phone numbers yet but we had still agreed to dinner.  Well we went out, met up with some mutual friends for some adult beverages after, and low and behold I was a bit too drunk to drive.  You were kind enough to let me crash at your place, we made out awhile (it had been a LOONG time since I made out), and we went to sleep.

Things progressed pretty naturally from there, some more dinners, some long phone conversations (some from foreign countries), romantic comedies, sleepovers with more than making out, etc etc etc.  And guess what? It was all very nice.  Unfortunately, that is about the nicest word I can use to describe those few months, nice.  Not only that, I’m 99% sure that is the best thing you can come up with as well.  Here is what I think: it had been a little while since either of us had someone consistent to spoon at night, and since I know I don’t do much of the casual hookup thing, it had been actually quite a long while for myself.  I think we both found some comfort in each other, we got along well enough, and it’s always nice to spend some easy-going time with someone you can make out with as well.  But I knew a couple weeks into it that we weren’t going to go too far.  And so did you.

Hence, when I came over the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and proclaimed, “I think we should talk,” you answered immediately, “I know.”  I gave some absurd, too long speech, about how I thought we were both great people, but not great for each other, and the bottom line is that we were settling because it was relatively easy to hang out, and like I said, making out is sweet.  Holy crap, talk about a run on sentence…yet I digress.  Anyway, you agreed, we hugged, I played with your dogs’ floppy ears one last time, and that was the end of it.

Here is the thing though…I kind of regret how I handled us.  Not the breakup, because by then it was needed…but how I more or less gave up on us two weeks in.  I often think one of my greatest strengths is my people judging skills, and I’m still 99% sure my reaction was correct – you are most definitely a catch, just not my catch.  But I can’t help but think about that 1%, and wonder if I need to let things marinate a bit longer before making important judgements, because once that judgement was made, it was done.

Ok sorry to go on a mini-serious rant, but I can’t be funny all the time.

Hope life is treating you well,

Jerry Seinfeld

*Seinfeld




Letters sent…

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