Archive for November 30th, 2010


that’s like the express lane to the friend zone…what the hell’s the friend zone? *

Dear Cassandra,

We went on a date a couple of weeks and I had a lovely evening…only I’m still not sure it was a date.  I’d like to make this clear in person, or at the very least face to face; wait who am I kidding, no one talks face to face anymore.  I’d like to make this clear via blog/letter (or text message, since you probably won’t read this): I don’t really want to friends.  Really, it’s nothing against you, it’s just that I already have way too many friends.  In fact, I wish I could purge my real friends like I can my facebook friends…unfortunately there is no delete button for life.  Sorry, let me get back to you, and us.

Our first date was about a year ago, it was an awkward date.  We met for a few drinks, had a lame conversation, hugged it out and I thought that would be the end of it.  I’m usually a pretty good conversationalist, and now I know that you are too, but for some reason that night we talked about as well as Brett Favre retires…that is, not very well.  We ran into each other once and had some coffee, and the conversation was slightly better, but I think we were both kind of bored after one mug, and that was it.

I'm not fat + You are as hot as Amy Smart = Perfect couple! Photo courtesy of

I mean, a brief conversation about sports via gchat every once in awhile, but I never thought we’d hang out again.  Then, out of the blue, YOU asked me to meet up for a beer.  I was taken aback, but we had an awesome time!  Granted, we connected over sharing awful date experiences, but we were both laughing and smiling like we’d hit it off.  Again, we hugged it out and promised each other it wouldn’t be ten months before hanging out again.. Ten months, less than ten days later you asked me out to dinner…on an effing Saturday night (ok I guess the day was my choice, but you were totally into it)!  That was a date – we met, I even told you how beautiful you looked, grabbed a drink at a bar, then went to a relatively fancy restaurant (cloth, not paper napkins) and had more great conversation.  Only this time instead about other awful people we dated, we talked about ourselves.  A hug, and a light peck on the cheek later, we went our separate ways.

And I totally might be jumping to conclusions, but based on your wanting to meet up for coffee sometime soon (as opposed to dinner or drinks again), I’m guessing you just want to be friends.  Now let me make something clear: I am not head over heals about you, yet.  I did not get all giddy and call up a dozen friends telling them about some great new girl I went out with.  So I don’t want you thinking I’m on some kind of level you are totally not on.  However, like I said from the beginning…I don’t want to be friends.  If we hang out again, I’d be coming from the angle of trying to see if a romantic type (read: where we get to make out) relationship MIGHT work.  You and I are not headed for the friend zone.  If you aren’t ok with that, I completely understand.  There are lots of reasons you might not want to pursue that kind of relationship with me; none of them are good reasons of course (sarcasm), but that’s cool with me.

Make sense? Good. Sincerely,

Not Fat Ryan Reynolds

* Just Friends (not a great movie, but the quote works)

Letters sent…

November 2010
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