Archive for January 11th, 2011


You know everybody’s staring? *

Dear Girl on the Beach Yesterday that Seemed Offended by my Staring,

First of all, I’m probably reading waaay too much into this, as it is only my Jewish sense of guilt and paranoia that made me nervous you could tell I was constantly glancing at you yesterday.  After all, with my sick-ass RayBans on, it’d be nearly impossible for you to actually tell my gaze was locked on you for a period of about two hours yesterday, off and on of course (more on, than off).  But I swear, at the end you made eye contact with me and gave me a bit of a stink eye…at least that’s how I’m rationalizing not trying to approach you.  Well, that, and the fact that my parents were sitting right next to me.

I don’t want to sound like a perv…but you have probably have the most incredible body on Grand Cayman, and quite possibly the entire Caribbean, right now.  And the bikini you wore left little to the imagination.  Ok ok, writing to some stranger about their body is not doing much for the non-perv thing, but would you really wear something like that if you didn’t want to be noticed?  I’m sure every guy below that age of 73 that saw you yesterday is thinking the same exact thing.  The only difference between me and them is that they are traveling with their significant others, not with their parents.

Let’s face it, we are all guilty of bird-dogging.  Guys are far more guilty of it, but you females do it too.  Granted, probably not too many of you stare at me while im toweling off, considering you’d need extra pairs of sunglasses to properly protect yourself from my pale skin.  But even then I’ve been asked at the beach how I’ve been blessed with these calves…which leads me to believe of course, you were staring.  In fact, eff the whole “guilty of bird-dogging ” thing.  I mean, there is certainly a line where staring becomes creepy (jaw open, drooling, tent pitched, etc), but I’ve never crossed it.  So, I’m heading back to the beach now, to find you…or gaze at someone else.

But first I’m gonna knock out some push ups.

* Twilight. Yup, you are damned straight I just quoted it. I swear I’ve never seen it though; google the following – movie quotes about staring.  See what comes up.

Letters sent…

January 2011
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