“Don’t say it! Don’t you fu**ing say ‘you’re too good for me.’ I am, but don’t say it.” *

Dear Kara,

I do apologize for confessing my love for you in that bar about 6 years ago.  Wow 6 years has made me melodramatic…I definitely didn’t use that four letter bomb, but I still said something along the lines of, “I like you…more than a friend…make out with me.” Probably not the last part, but I’m sure this is enough of a reminder for you.

Anyway, I apologize for a multitude of reasons.  At first I thought it was because I risked five or so years of a great friendship for something that in the back of my mind, I knew wasn’t going to be there.  You were/still are far too concerned about appearances to date someone like me (I don’t come off as a WASP, my bad).  It took me a year or so to realize that I wasn’t sorry because I risked the friendship, I was sorry because my feelings for you simply weren’t true.  This reason is actually all on me, as opposed to the previous (and forthcoming) reason that make you kind of seem like a callous bitch.  I had just moved to a new town, where most of my friends lived about 30 minutes away, and you and I basically did something together, alone, like three nights a week.  That, and the fact that I always had a minor crush on you, led directly to my misplaced feelings.  Sorry for putting that on you.

I’m also sorry because I can’t believe I told someone who has the potential to be such an awful person that I liked her, as proved by the fact that within one month of me divulging that info you hooked up with not one, but two of my close friends.  None of them talked about you in negative ways behind your back…promise.

Let me ask you something, was doing that somehow a way to really drive your point home?  You didn’t need to touch two of my friends schlongs to do that you know.  You, and you deserve credit for this, were extremely effective and quite nice even, in the way you told me that you, “just didn’t think of me that way.”  It actually seemed as if our friendship would be just fine.  But then, you know…you went and kind of slutted around for a bit.  And now whenever we run into each other, it is awkward…because I know that you know that I know what you did, and at the time it really hurt me, and now I just feel sorry for you.

So I guess this is a cautionary tale, just because a hot girl is hanging out with you consistently, doesn’t mean you should A. fall in love with her or B. that she is worth falling in love with in the first place.




2 Responses to ““Don’t say it! Don’t you fu**ing say ‘you’re too good for me.’ I am, but don’t say it.” *”

  1. January 19, 2011 at 10:13 am

    I love that movie. My favorite line has always been “he tastes like you but sweeter.” You know, before they put it in that stupid song and ruined it.

    I did the same thing a couple of years ago thanks to lots of whiskey. I don’t drink whiskey anymore.

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