dearexgirlfriend

From the bottom of my heart, allow me to thank both of you for giving all teenage boys (well, maybe not all) a complex about the size of our, hmm family friendly, man parts.  When I first watched this movie, I was but an early teenager and let’s just say I only had first-hand knowledge of my endowment.  In addition, I tended to focus my stare downwards (still do) in lockers rooms and gyms and so forth, so I had very little (no pun intended) to compare myself too.  Then I watch the following scene,

and from that moment forth, I was scared to death about what future females would think of my ‘stuff.’ How was I to believe anything any females would say about it? I was smart enough to realize very few would be so mean as to say something along the lines of, “wow, that is really small…good luck with that thing.”  But now I started thinking no matter what a girl who saw it would always embellish by at least one size: average=tiny, decent=small, big=decent, huge=well, this one doesn’t really matter.

Now, in my ripe old age, I have become more than content with everything down there, but I think subconsciously in the back of my mind I still get nervous about someone new exploring, and chuckling at it (which, has yet to happen thank whichever lord you pray to).  Maybe deep down this is the reason I have intimacy issues, because I don’t want anyone laughing at me.  What’s the definition of insanity – something about repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results, right?  So if enough females have been privy to this kind of visual information, and not laughed, why do I keep expecting that to happen?

Eff you Kevin Smith.

PS – I actually don’t really care, at all…I mean as long as I get off, right? (calm down ladies, my Jewish guilt would preclude me from ever actually performing in this manner).