Archive for March, 2011

30
Mar
11

If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you.*

Dear Lizzie,

I had a nice time the other night, I really did. For a first date/second meet up ( a 20 minute beer doesn’t really count as a date, does it?). We sat at the bar, enjoyed a couple tasty beverages, some delicious food, and talked continuously for about two hours. We covered a wide variety of topics, ranging from incredibly awkward first dates, weird exes, and what the chances of Geno Auriemma & Pat Summit having some kind of sexual relationship and when they berate each other in public it’s all just part of their cover up. Then, after I treated, I walked you to your car and we had a decent little makeout session considering some guy was smoking a cigarette on his stoop a mere 20 yards away.

But I got home and realized that was probably the wrong thing for me to do. Unless I completely misread the situation (and given I need this blog as a way to try to understand women, it is entirely possible I did in fact do just that), I think you wanted to make out because you are, to a certain degree anyway, into me. I, and I promise I only realized this AFTER the fact, wanted to make out…well, to make out. Since I didn’t take it any further, I don’t feel TOO badly, but there is still some serious Jewish guilt marinating in my head.

On my drive home I was psyched that our date went so sell, and I made out with someone for the first time in god knows how long. But after five minutes of reading what happened in the sports world that evening, I found myself perusing the online dating scene…and when I saw someone I had emailed had actually returned an email of her own, I was even more psyched. That made what had probably been subconsciously running in the back of my mind all night obvious…I’m not that into you.

There is no real concrete reason I can give you…you are cute, smart, funny, successful, into sports, that list goes on and on…I just know that there have been other girls I’ve been out with who after the first or second date I could care less about anyone else on the match.com site. Yes, I realize this is not dating, but I think I’ve been over this before in previous letters. I date about as well as Charlie Sheen does sober, or Rebecca Black sings. I’m either into you or I’m not…

Sorry,

Jeremy

ps – for those reading who think I am actually going to use this as a means to telling this girl I don’t think we should go on any further dates, remember this is anonymous…so she won’t actually read it. I WILL indeed tell her this in a less cowardly manner (ie text message…just kidding, calm down…at least I will use the phone).

*He’s Just Not That Into You ( I will call, by the way, you just might not be a fan of the convo…)

28
Mar
11

sometimes you just gotta say “what the f*ck.” *

Dear Readers,

Going against my better judgment I am going to write my first letter in almost three weeks to my readers (again), but really it’s on behalf of myself. I say ‘against my better judgment’ for two reasons: 1. the Jewish guilt I feel for not coming up with something new in so long is really riding me hard right now and 2. I’ve released this blog to a few of my real (not twitter/blog friends who don’t actually know who I am) friends, and thus fear being harassed over how lame some of this is sure to be. But as I’ve found myself saying lots lately, f*ck it.

Basically I want to use this space as a means to offer an apology to all of my adoring fans out there. I say that with only a hint of sarcasm, because in truth I did receive many tweets, direct messages, and emails during my absence inquiring as to my whereabouts, even people claiming “I can’t get through my day without your posts.” While I think that is a bit too much pressure on myself, I appreciate the sentiment. Knowing my writing has actually meant something to at least a few people makes it worthwhile. However, blogging by nature is narcissistic, and therefore what my fans think really amount to jack shit, at the end of the day. I kid, I kid.

But honestly, I created this blog to try to discover something about myself, in a humorous (hopefully) and anonymously public manner. Now, my self proclaimed break in the action has not come because I have discovered anything, in fact, I’m probably even more at a loss for my romantic self than I was when I started last fall. However, real life has managed to get in the way, and as a result, finding someone to make out with has not really been on my radar this month.

Three things all happened at once: 1. I took on more freelance writing to pay the mortgage (which means when I have free time, writing/blogging is not exactly my favorite thing to do) 2. Tennis season started and I’m still adjusting to waking up at 5am a few days a week and 3. I realized once the summer ends, I’m going to need full time employment…and as a result I’ve actually started applying myself to job search more.

Bottom line is I haven’t been on a date in over a month, and on top of that, I haven’t even really been interested. I don’t know where I’m going to be in 6 months, and since I need to figure that out it makes trying to pursue a relationship out somewhat difficult. I would’ve thought that writing about ex-girlfriends would still be really easy, but getting mentally into the moment when I’m having a tough time about present options for make outs is harder than one would think.

But I have some good news. Not knowing exactly where I’m going to be in the near future shouldn’t really have this much of an effect on my personal life…so I think I’m going to rev up the engines again. The chances of me finding anyone who I like enough/likes me enough to alter my future are slim anyway, so like I said above, f*ck it.

Also, I want to make out.

Jeremy (bam, my real name)

*Risky Business

10
Mar
11

dear readers,

Since we are indeed getting MORE snow, I’m off to the mountain again to get some skiing in. As annoying as it is shoveling out my car, and driveway, and driving on crappy roads…I know ski season is coming to a close soon so I have to get it in while I can. Oh, wait…my car resides in a garage and the condo association provides plowing, so strike most of that last sentence. I did want to leave you with a brief PSA: Thanks to Ramblings of a Singleton for featuring me on their blog today. As a relatively new blogger, I was honored that someone would ask to use one of my letters for their  site. No sarcasm there, just honest to goodness thanks.

Now, everyone enjoy your 9-5′s, peace. And oh yeah, like me on facebook for eff’s sake; I feel like we could have a good time over there talking crap about ourselves and our X’s.

I love you all, but not as much as I love fresh snow.

Love,

Dear Ex (how many of you thought I was going to drop my real name there? Anyone?)

09
Mar
11

dear victor hugo,

I guess I should include the likes of Claude-Michel Schonberg (composer) & Herbert Kretzmer (English lyrics). Most of all, this letter goes out to Samantha Barks, who played the part of Eponine at the 25th Anniversary Les Miserables concert at the 02 Arena last Autumn. Is “On My Own” not the original “Dear Ex” letter? Yes, yes, I’m well effing aware that Eponine & Marius were never actually an ‘item,’ but I think I’m ok with that given that more than half the girls I’ve written letters to on this blog were never my actual girlfriend; instead they were just either objects of my affection who didn’t return said affection or biatches I met with once and never want to see again. It’s impossible for me to convey just how much I love this song, and pretty much all of the Les Mis soundtrack…and I’m also proud to admit it. I have no shame that I like some showtunes (Tommy, by The Who, should not be missed on Broadway, for example). Although I guess it does make it a bit easier to make this exclamation from the pulpit of an anonymous blog. But still, I might be risking losing a percentage of male readers by admitting that Les Miserables has often brought me to tears. I think I tweeted while I was watching this on PBS this past weekend something along the lines of “If Les Mis doesn’t affect your emotions in some way, you dont have a soul.” Watch this clip, I stand by that statement.

PS – Notice how I didn’t dedicate this song to g-damned ‘Glee‘ or Joey Potter from ‘Dawsons Creek.’ Want to know why? Because those shows are for p-words. And I’m all man baby.

PPS – I used to love ‘Dawsons Creek.’ And I’ve intentionally avoided ‘Glee’ because I have a feeling I’d love it. And yes, I put the PPS beneath the clip hoping most people wouldn’t notice it.




Letters sent…

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