If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you.*

Dear Lizzie,

I had a nice time the other night, I really did. For a first date/second meet up ( a 20 minute beer doesn’t really count as a date, does it?). We sat at the bar, enjoyed a couple tasty beverages, some delicious food, and talked continuously for about two hours. We covered a wide variety of topics, ranging from incredibly awkward first dates, weird exes, and what the chances of Geno Auriemma & Pat Summit having some kind of sexual relationship and when they berate each other in public it’s all just part of their cover up. Then, after I treated, I walked you to your car and we had a decent little makeout session considering some guy was smoking a cigarette on his stoop a mere 20 yards away.

But I got home and realized that was probably the wrong thing for me to do. Unless I completely misread the situation (and given I need this blog as a way to try to understand women, it is entirely possible I did in fact do just that), I think you wanted to make out because you are, to a certain degree anyway, into me. I, and I promise I only realized this AFTER the fact, wanted to make out…well, to make out. Since I didn’t take it any further, I don’t feel TOO badly, but there is still some serious Jewish guilt marinating in my head.

On my drive home I was psyched that our date went so sell, and I made out with someone for the first time in god knows how long. But after five minutes of reading what happened in the sports world that evening, I found myself perusing the online dating scene…and when I saw someone I had emailed had actually returned an email of her own, I was even more psyched. That made what had probably been subconsciously running in the back of my mind all night obvious…I’m not that into you.

There is no real concrete reason I can give you…you are cute, smart, funny, successful, into sports, that list goes on and on…I just know that there have been other girls I’ve been out with who after the first or second date I could care less about anyone else on the match.com site. Yes, I realize this is not dating, but I think I’ve been over this before in previous letters. I date about as well as Charlie Sheen does sober, or Rebecca Black sings. I’m either into you or I’m not…



ps – for those reading who think I am actually going to use this as a means to telling this girl I don’t think we should go on any further dates, remember this is anonymous…so she won’t actually read it. I WILL indeed tell her this in a less cowardly manner (ie text message…just kidding, calm down…at least I will use the phone).

*He’s Just Not That Into You ( I will call, by the way, you just might not be a fan of the convo…)

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14 Responses to “If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you.*”

  1. March 30, 2011 at 9:17 am

    I don’t speak for all women, of course, but at this stage of the relationship I’d much prefer to be dumped via email than phone or, God forbid, in person. FWIW

  2. March 30, 2011 at 9:51 am

    I WISH I’d get a letter, or a text, or a call. The worst thing ever is just never hearing from someone ever again. The guessing and not knowing is enough to drive a girl crazy. Just let me know so I won’t get all hung up on if I had something in my teeth or if you were in an accident or if I offended you.

    I’m a big girl, I might be upset for a little bit, but I will move on. Just tell me!

  3. March 30, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Honestly at this stage of the game she is probably not invested into this. I mean, this was only your second date/meet up and all you two have done is make-out. I think that calling her and making a big deal out of no longer wanting to see her will just cause her to feel unnecessarily rejected. If this were about a month and handful of dates later, you’ve slept together, etc… then YES, I feel that this would warrant some type of formal closing.

    The title of this letter is my mantra when it comes to men and while I listen to it, I wish that I used it as a way to know when to walk away from a guy.

    • March 30, 2011 at 10:44 am

      i think i kind of agree…i dont think she is emotionally invested…more thinking if she asks me out again id let her know, in a non-big deal a manner as possible

      • March 30, 2011 at 11:50 am

        EXACTLY! If she asks you out again/gives hints as to wanting to get to know you more, the nice thing to do would be to kindly let her down. I wish more men were considerate enough to do this.

  4. March 30, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    I agree with Nikki – if she’s completely invested after a date and a half, you may have a bunny boiler on your hands. I’m sure that, if she does get back in touch, you can hint at your disinterest and she can retain a bit of dignity. Everyone wins.

    Oh, and congrats on the making out bit.

  5. April 1, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Yes, exactly! People (note: not just men) don’t realise that it’s not the not wanting to be with someone that makes you an asshole; it’s the disappearing. It’s cowardly.

    PS: I’ve been a major hypocrite in the past.

  6. April 1, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    yep.. glad you got some make out in..
    no need for guilt… you are blameles…
    and ya know….she might have just wanted to make out a little too… ;-)

    ps. hope there are fireworks with the next one…

  7. April 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    NO guilt necessary! I am agree with the masses on this one – you need only communicate your lack of interest to be a good guy after one semi-ok date. A simple text saying something like “I don’t like you” should do it ;)

  8. April 12, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Aw this made me sad. I know, I know, it’s better to be honest with your feelings now, rather than later, or never.

    But you know, it always hurts.


    PS. I act like we made out. I’m a fucking loser.

  9. April 12, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I appreciate the fact that you will at least tell the girl you’re just not that into her (though I agree you should only do this if she hints at another date). I’ve been in similar situations recently and have found that several men have really liked the fact that I was open and honest with them off the bat. There was one batsh*t-crazy-stage-five-clinger I went out with recently who didn’t take it too well… Anyway, I hope her response is nothing like his :)

    PS: I found you via Pretty Young Thing (great guest post, by the way).

  10. April 21, 2011 at 9:18 am

    what if she didn’t make out with you?? And rejected you when you went in for the kiss….do you think you would want her???

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