dear nicholas sparks,

I have a feeling I’m going to piss a lot of people off with this letter, so I’m going to do my best to practice something I’m terrible at – brevity. I am not here to crap on your writing, because I have never read one of your books; nor am I here to crap on your movies, because I’ve only seen two – ‘The Notebook’ and ‘A Walk to Remember.’ Now, to put a frame of reference on the rest of this letter, I think you should know that for sentimental reasons, I actually enjoy both of these movies. They remind me of certain people, and a certain place, which makes them bearable. Plus staring at Rachel McAdams for 120 or so minutes isn’t the worst thing in the world.

But now to my point, based on these two movies alone (and I’m sure the same is true for some of your other works), you have made the mountain of dating females below the age of the 30 incredibly steep. How am I supposed to live up to the expectations set by the male leads in your films? Yeah, is Ryan Gosling kind of a prick for much of The Notebook? Of course he is. But he is that bad boy type, at least what I picture bad boys being back in the day, that even chicks in the 1940s had a thing for. And don’t get me started on James Garner…I mean, I know females that would jump his 80 year old bones today because of his portrayal of the elder Noah.

Then we have Landon, from A Walk to Remember, talk about setting the bar high. Guys my age tend to run at the first sight of baggage – “whoa, she has an overbearing mother…she probably has a few mental issues…see you later!” Or even the dreaded, “You should know now…I have an ex-boyfriend.” Yeah, that’s right, men can be giant p-words when it comes to certain things ((ok, so I don’t know any guys who have actually run because of those things, but we’ve all at least thought about it). But what does Landon do when he finds out his teenage girlfriend is going to die, he effing proposes to her!

You see what I’m getting at Nicholas, I beg of you, set the bar a little lower.


All males from the ages of 16-32.

6 Responses to “dear nicholas sparks,”

  1. April 21, 2011 at 10:18 am

    I’m a woman and I second this motion. Do you know how hard it is to date Ryan Gosling?

  2. April 21, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    I do, I’ve tried but couldn’t get near him…;-)

  3. April 21, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Nicholas Sparks is just painful for me to read. I’ve watched A Walk to Remember and The Notebook, and both felt like a giant waste of time. I just don’t get what attracts females to this crap.

    As for the whole proposal thing? He didn’t have much to lose– she was going to die soon anyway. So, he makes her happy and makes himself look like the most awesome guy ever, and then he’s single again in 6 months. Win-win!

  4. April 25, 2011 at 9:27 am

    “As for the whole proposal thing? He didn’t have much to lose– she was going to die soon anyway. So, he makes her happy and makes himself look like the most awesome guy ever, and then he’s single again in 6 months. Win-win!” Totally.

    You think you don’t like Sparks now – try reading one of his books. They’re awful. (And once you’ve read one, or seen one of his movies, completely predictable.)

    For what it’s worth, I think most women know the difference between movie fantasy and life. Nothing has been ruined for you, I’m sure. Also, for every one Notebook, there are a hundred King of Queenses or whatever, pushing that bar so low that even the tiniest evidence of effort on your part will make you look a hero in comparison.

  5. April 25, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    I don’t buy into this whole trend.
    you’ll just need to find a girl like me.

  6. April 29, 2011 at 10:26 am

    HAHAHAHA!!!! I love this post.

    I would also like to say that these books/movies do nothing more than give us a completely skewed view of the dating world in general. Which isn’t to say I don’t read/watch them (I’m a sucker for romance, however it comes) but I’ve learned to take Hollywood with a grain of salt always.

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April 2011
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