Archive for the 'Love Scenes' Category


Dear Opening Day,

I’m just going to come right out and say it, I love you. I love you even more in 2011 because there are basically two opening days – yesterday was the first day of regular season baseball, and today I get to watch the real reason I don’t have a girlfriend, the Boston Red Sox. I’m only half serious with that comment, I am nothing like Jimmy Fallon in that lame-ass movie “Fever Pitch.” In fact, I hate that movie. However, for the next 180 days, the Red Sox will play on 162 of them (and then hopefully hopefully another 15 or so in October). As a result, I don’t feel a pressing need to find someone to spend time with, because when all else fails, I can always spend my evening with the Boston ‘Boys of Summer.’

Listen, I am not some assclown that gets really excited about opening day and then fades as the season goes on. Are there times where I pay a bit less attention to all things baseball? Of course…while the Celtics & Bruins make their respective Championship runs later this Spring (that let’s face it, will probably end in failure), I’ll be concentrating more on them. But there will not be a single night I go to sleep, or morning I wake up if the Sox are on the West Coast, where I don’t know how the Red Sox fared…or pretty much any other team for that matter.

I love it, I effing love baseball. I woke up this morning trying to pinpoint what it is about the sport that I love so much. The intricacies of the game are amazing once you’ve learned them; the dedication (in many cases, over-dedication) of Boston Red Sox fans is inspiring given all the heartache we endured over the years – for example, I wasn’t even alive in 1978 and I still want to punch Bucky ‘bleeping’ Dent in the mouth. But I was a baseball fan long before the magical 2004 World Series run, and even long before players like Nomar & Pedro made the Red Sox actual contenders. Watching the Red Sox in the 90′s was about as exciting as my “Basics of Magic Course” freshman year of college (hey don’t judge, we all needed to take a religion course).

So, while all that’s well and good, it still doesn’t explain how my love affair with baseball started in the first place. Then I looked back to what I did yesterday to celebrate Opening Day & it dawned on me. I watched all three games¬† that ESPN covered, and in between I watched the beginning, middle and end of “Field of Dreams.” At the end, as per usual, I shed a few tears. Simply put, I am pretty sure when I first saw this movie at the ripe old age of 8, I fell in love…and each subsequent time I view it (my guess is were are bordering on 50 or so),¬† I fall a little deeper. So, that being I said I’d like to wish all fans of all teams the best of luck this coming season, just a little more to the Red Sox…and just remember, “This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again”


Dear Chunk,

I bet you never thought you’d end up on a blog like this, right? Where I waste all my time and hard-earned money reminiscing about females that for one reason or another, won’t give me the time of day. Well, thought it was probably a safe assumption on your part, I think we all know what happens when one assumes. No, they don’t make an “ass” out of “u” and “me,” because in no way does you ending up on this blog make you an ass, and it sure as shit doesn’t make me an ass. All it does is mean your assumption was wrong, I hate that effing saying.

Anyway, I was lucky enough to have watched you shine yet again yesterday. Even more fortunate – it was on bluray, on a high-def, 100+inch projection screen. Could it be possible that there was even more fortune involved…yes! There was good beer, good snacks, a few choice friends, and even some of that stuff that lots of people like in Vermont and it should be legalized, yet I digress. Bottom line is, it was about the 100th time I’ve watched you shout lines like, “I love the dark. But I hate nature, I HATE nature;” or, “Ok Brand, Michael Jackson didn’t come over to my house, to use the bathroom…but his sister did;” or even, “Hey Mikey this is great…all we have are old Chanukah decorations in our house.” (FYI, I did not copy and paste any part of those quotes, I knew them from memory…I can’t decide if this is a good thing or not). And you know what, dear friend, you grow on me more and more each time.

I think it’s because the older I get, the more complicated life becomes; and the shenanigans you and the rest of the Goonies get into simply remind me of a time when I didn’t care about things like health insurance, a career, or females. A time when I could get as much joy of making fun of my overweight friend as I could talking to a cute girl. Even yesterday, the friends I was with, well it was another guy and two girls. Both of us guys have some level of interest in one of the females we were with…but there was no tension, because we were watching a timeless classic about how effing sweet it is to be an innocent kid.

Maybe it’s all that…or maybe it’s just because seeing the “Truffle Shuffle” on the big screen was sweet.

Thanks man,

A fellow Jew

ps – If someone tries to get you to make “Goonies 2,” please say no. Thanks.


dear alabama & clarence,

Before I delve into the beauty of this final scene, first let me thank you for allowing me the opportunity to figure out how to embed a youtube clip with a specific start time. While not exactly complicated, I never really needed to before. But with this clip, I decided it best to start halfway through, no real reason to force people to view an extreme close up of a bloody eye and what not. Alas, if people really want to watch that part they can always move the cursor backwards a bit.

Anyhoo…let’s be clear about a few things: even though I am using this scene I do not A. want to be shot in the eye B. be chased by the mafia or C. marry a call girl. Yes, even a call girl as badass and sexy as you, Alabama. Something tells me the inevitable meeting of the (my jewish & slightly JAPpy) parents would be just too awkward. What I do know is that I want to ride off into the sunset with someone that badass, and that sexy, and preferably with music that effing sweet playing in the background. Oh, I also want someone (a female someone) to think I am so cool, so cool, so cool…

And as cheesy as this sounds, I think the real beauty of this scene lies in the solitude of the small family in the beach on the end. Do they not seem completely content with simply each other? Actually, ‘content’ is probably not a strong enough word…lets use the word ‘happy’ instead. I know it’s bland & generic, but it also really gets the point across. I am not ready for a wife and kids, yet, but I guess what I am ready for is the thought of a family. I want to go through the normal process (as in, not getting married the morning after meeting a female in a movie theater on my birthday, who then turns out to have been a hooker for four days, going to kill her pimp, stealing a bunch of drugs yada yada yada); I want to date a intelligent, funny, beautiful woman; I want to fall in love and propose, and have an amazing wedding on the beach at my parents house (yes, mom & dad, you dont need to start preparing the house quite yet), then have a kid or two. But like I said, I am not ready for all of that quite yet…for now, I just want a girl to think I’m cool.

Wow, I had no idea I was going to get that heavy from that scene…It is an amazing clip, and movie, though. I guess it deserves something a bit emotional. I think I might even pop in the bluray…


ps – Note to the future Mrs. Dearexgirlfriend, I’m not naming our kid Elvis.

Letters sent…

December 2012
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