Posts Tagged ‘baseball


Dear Opening Day,

I’m just going to come right out and say it, I love you. I love you even more in 2011 because there are basically two opening days – yesterday was the first day of regular season baseball, and today I get to watch the real reason I don’t have a girlfriend, the Boston Red Sox. I’m only half serious with that comment, I am nothing like Jimmy Fallon in that lame-ass movie “Fever Pitch.” In fact, I hate that movie. However, for the next 180 days, the Red Sox will play on 162 of them (and then hopefully hopefully another 15 or so in October). As a result, I don’t feel a pressing need to find someone to spend time with, because when all else fails, I can always spend my evening with the Boston ‘Boys of Summer.’

Listen, I am not some assclown that gets really excited about opening day and then fades as the season goes on. Are there times where I pay a bit less attention to all things baseball? Of course…while the Celtics & Bruins make their respective Championship runs later this Spring (that let’s face it, will probably end in failure), I’ll be concentrating more on them. But there will not be a single night I go to sleep, or morning I wake up if the Sox are on the West Coast, where I don’t know how the Red Sox fared…or pretty much any other team for that matter.

I love it, I effing love baseball. I woke up this morning trying to pinpoint what it is about the sport that I love so much. The intricacies of the game are amazing once you’ve learned them; the dedication (in many cases, over-dedication) of Boston Red Sox fans is inspiring given all the heartache we endured over the years – for example, I wasn’t even alive in 1978 and I still want to punch Bucky ‘bleeping’ Dent in the mouth. But I was a baseball fan long before the magical 2004 World Series run, and even long before players like Nomar & Pedro made the Red Sox actual contenders. Watching the Red Sox in the 90′s was about as exciting as my “Basics of Magic Course” freshman year of college (hey don’t judge, we all needed to take a religion course).

So, while all that’s well and good, it still doesn’t explain how my love affair with baseball started in the first place. Then I looked back to what I did yesterday to celebrate Opening Day & it dawned on me. I watched all three games  that ESPN covered, and in between I watched the beginning, middle and end of “Field of Dreams.” At the end, as per usual, I shed a few tears. Simply put, I am pretty sure when I first saw this movie at the ripe old age of 8, I fell in love…and each subsequent time I view it (my guess is were are bordering on 50 or so),  I fall a little deeper. So, that being I said I’d like to wish all fans of all teams the best of luck this coming season, just a little more to the Red Sox…and just remember, “This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again”


I wish I knew how to quit you.

Dear Professional Sports,

I write to you today from inside my home on this beautiful day because I am too weary to do anything outside (well, it is als0 -3 out, and I need to break myself in after spending a week in 80 degree sun).  I am physically weary because not only did I have to stomach watching my beloved Patriots lose to the Jets last night, I had to do it in Newark International Airport.  Drowning my sorrows at the bar was not an option, since they were all filled with Jets fans; so instead I just roamed Terminal C like I had roamed Seven Mile Beach in Grand Cayman the entire preceeding week.  Unfortunately, the eye candy in Hudson Books and so forth was not quite up to par.  So, I just walked, and walked, with my hood up and my headphones on trying to avoid crying, punching the walls, or both…I managed to avoid tears, but I do have one or two bruised knuckles.

I am mentally weary because for the entire second half of last week, I thought of pretty much nothing but the Patriots Jets game.  And yes, I realize that is only one of MANY reasons I don’t currently have a girlfriend.  Then, to have them completely outclassed and end their season prematurely effing kills me, especially to the Jets.  My point is, what is the point to caring so much?  Thinking of the pain you have caused me recently – Bruins choking a 3-0 playoff lead AND 3-0 game 7 lead to Philly, Celtics up by 13 in game 7 against the Lakers and losing, Red Sox not even making the playoffs in 2010, and now last night…

Why do I care so much about you effing athletes, who don’t really give a crap about me.  Something tells me Tom Brady, David Ortiz or Rajon Rondo weren’t too happy for me when I finished my graduate program last month.  Most athletes on Boston sports teams are not actually from Boston, they are merely hired mercenaries.  I want to break up with you so badly, but like the quote says, I can’t quit you…I just don’t know why…but then I watch clips like this one -

and this one -

And all is right with the world.

Forever yours,

Tom David Rondo

*Brokeback Mountain


dear morrissey & zooey deschanel

I wanted to write you both a quick letter this morning.  Originally it just going to be addressed to Zooey, because after all it was her cover of The Smith’s “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want” that inspired this writing.  That, and the fact that whatever woman I end up marrying will have to understand that you, Zooey,will definitely be on my celebrity-I-get-to-have-sex-without-worrying-about-repurcussions list.  You may even crack the top 3, whereas you, Morrissey, will not be said list.  However, you did originally pen the song so I feel it’s only right that I address it to you as well.

This is an entirely melodramatic song for me to be posting right now.  To summarize the situation, actually there really is no situation to summarize, it’s brief enough to just lay out fully – I’ve been out with the same girl for a few drinks twice in the last week, and we have tentative plans to meet up for dinner next week.  Hopefully she’ll have enough wine at dinner where making out by her car seems like a good idea, yet I digress.  I’m not writing you to beg you to ‘please let me get what I want,’ because I’m not sure yet if I really ‘want’ this girl.  So far though she seems fun, smart and I’m attracted to her…and she SEEMS to feel the same way about me.  But still, early days, right?  I do know, however, what I don’t want…I don’t want to let my guard down again like I did with this girl and get demolished.  That’s not too much to ask right?

Also, as per your lyrics, “lord knows it would be the first time.”  Well first off I don’t really believe in a Lord (though Adrian Gonzalez may be a member of the Red Sox by the time you get this letter, so who knows…), but if things go well with this girl it would not be the first time.  I’d be lying if I wrote that.  But all the same that’s kind of the feeling I think we all get when we are getting to know someone new on a possible romantic level, all previous romantic escapades go out the window and it honestly does at least FEEL like the first time.  Anyway, I’m going to enjoy the snow.  But Morrissey, thanks for writing this song and Zooey, I love you.  Um, I mean, thanks for covering it so wonderfully.


Your Real Life Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Letters sent…

December 2012
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