Posts Tagged ‘basketball

13
Jun
11

Dear Lebron,

Sometimes breakups don’t always go as expected, do they? You traded in your ex-girlfriend, who was basically the equivalent of your childhood sweetheart. A loyal, kind, homely girlfriend who always treated you with nothing short of reverence. But that wasn’t enough for you…you wanted the glitz and glamor of the the high school prom queen. Well how’d that turn out for you?

So far, all she did was take a giant dump on your head. Not only that, all the rest of the kids in high school hate you for what you did to your ex. But as you said, “they have to wake up tomorrow & have the same life that they had before they woke up today.” As do you “King” James…a life without a single championship ring (or without a single low post move, but that is for another time).

You come up with excuse after excuse for why you broke up with your ex, on national tv no less, and now we are going to have to deal with an offseason full of excuses as to why you and your current girlfriend aren’t working out too well yet either. You might blame her parents (for the purposes of this metaphor, Spolestra = parents) for not giving you enough control, you might blame her for not being totally over her former lover (Wade), but you certainly won’t blame yourself for failing to dance with her during the king/queen, when it really mattered (aka the 4th quarter).

The bottom line is, only YOU created this world where we have to wake up and live the same lives as before you blew yet another year of your career…but if you hadn’t dicked over your ex so badly, we wouldn’t loathe you like we do.

Signed, 99.9% of NBA fans

ps – I know the metaphor go a bit carried away, but it’s Monday at 8 am…give me a freaking break.

12
May
11

“man im so hyped right now…anything is possible…anything is possibllllllllleeeeeee!!!!!”*

Dear Big 3,

And by ‘big 3′ I mean Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett. I am not including Rajon Rondo in this letter because he was not an original member, and he will be a Boston Celtic for hopefully a long time to come…something I’m not sure I can say for the other three.

Sure, Pierce will remain in Boston and retire in the famed Green & White (in this day and age, it would be a miracle for him to play in one place his entire career), but how many years do his legs have left? There is a decent chance Ray Allen will opt out, and Ainge will dangle Garnett & his contract as trade bait. It’s not that these guys aren’t good anymore, it’s just that they are one season (and 6 minutes of a game 7) removed from being a true title contender.

And as a result I, and the entire city of Boston, must break up with you. It has been an amazing four year run though guys, and I’ll always remember it fondly. On top of that, based on this blog it has clearly been the longest relationship I’ve had to date. In a lot of ways it’s been similar to a real relationship: honeymoon period went amazingly well (title in year one), followed by a tenuous year two where things got a little bit stale (upset by Orlando in Round 2). I thought about breaking up with you then, but we managed to rebound in a big way in our third year together…perhaps it was the inclusion of some kinkiness in the bedroom (in this metaphor, we’ll equate that to Rondo turning into an MVP candidate), but whatever it was we nearly won another title last year. But then we held on too long; lets face it, all year we knew this was kind of over. We tried to make it work and see if we could get over the hump one last time…and failed.

Though I don’t wish any ill will upon you, I hope we can remain friends. However, should any of you play for another team (aka date another guy) I will boo and hiss you just like I do any ex. No, that’s not true…I’ll look at you and always be reminded of this moment, and be forever grateful.

Love always,

Jeremy

*Kevin Garnett

17
Jan
11

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Dear Professional Sports,

I write to you today from inside my home on this beautiful day because I am too weary to do anything outside (well, it is als0 -3 out, and I need to break myself in after spending a week in 80 degree sun).  I am physically weary because not only did I have to stomach watching my beloved Patriots lose to the Jets last night, I had to do it in Newark International Airport.  Drowning my sorrows at the bar was not an option, since they were all filled with Jets fans; so instead I just roamed Terminal C like I had roamed Seven Mile Beach in Grand Cayman the entire preceeding week.  Unfortunately, the eye candy in Hudson Books and so forth was not quite up to par.  So, I just walked, and walked, with my hood up and my headphones on trying to avoid crying, punching the walls, or both…I managed to avoid tears, but I do have one or two bruised knuckles.

I am mentally weary because for the entire second half of last week, I thought of pretty much nothing but the Patriots Jets game.  And yes, I realize that is only one of MANY reasons I don’t currently have a girlfriend.  Then, to have them completely outclassed and end their season prematurely effing kills me, especially to the Jets.  My point is, what is the point to caring so much?  Thinking of the pain you have caused me recently – Bruins choking a 3-0 playoff lead AND 3-0 game 7 lead to Philly, Celtics up by 13 in game 7 against the Lakers and losing, Red Sox not even making the playoffs in 2010, and now last night…

Why do I care so much about you effing athletes, who don’t really give a crap about me.  Something tells me Tom Brady, David Ortiz or Rajon Rondo weren’t too happy for me when I finished my graduate program last month.  Most athletes on Boston sports teams are not actually from Boston, they are merely hired mercenaries.  I want to break up with you so badly, but like the quote says, I can’t quit you…I just don’t know why…but then I watch clips like this one -

and this one -

And all is right with the world.

Forever yours,

Tom David Rondo

*Brokeback Mountain




Letters sent…

December 2012
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