Posts Tagged ‘dearexgirlfriend

20
Jul
11

Dear match.com,

Why do you not allow people to block others from searches? It seems like an incredibly easy thing to do, and yet for some reason you people up there on your high & mighty online dating throne frown upon it.

This does not come from a bad place…as in, I’m not trying to block the ugly chicks (after all, that would be a bit hypocritical), or the 43 year old mom with a half set of teeth & 3 rugrats. Whatever, if they want to view my profile and shoot me an email more power to them. I can’t guarantee a response, but that’s the risk they take. As a real quick aside, I would much rather not receive a reply to an email than the “polite no thank you.” At least without a response I can tell myself that the female in question just has not paid for a membership yet, and as such can not read or respond. I mean, what other reason could there possibly be for her not wanting to talk to me? Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night, right?

Anyway, what was I getting at? Oh yes, blocking the crap out of certain people from match…which people, you might ask. Fair question. Two groups really. One is easy, people I effing know & don’t want them knowing I’m on a dating website. This request does not come from shame or anything like that, but simply there are certain people (most of them have the female genitalia) that don’t know how to keep their mouths shut. And quite frankly I don’t need everyone in the small town I live in knowing that I’m on match.com for the 4th time in two years. Perhaps there are females in the general population that do not belong to match that I might be interested in that will hear about my apparent fetish for online dating catastrophes and not have a mutual interest. Perhaps I just don’t like people talking about my personal business.

The 2nd group does come from a place of slight embarrassment I guess. I don’t want women I’ve gone out with, who I have then subsequently told I did not want to see again (and in many cases, vice versa) to have the pleasure of knowing that I’m back on the match scene. Is that vain? Why yes, yes it is. But it’s my life, and my blog, and my account, so I don’t really care. Although I’ve just realized that if these people see me, I can see them too…which means they are just as desperate excited to find the love of their lives. However, my point still holds, let me block people. Please.

Thanks,

J-Money

04
Jul
11

Dear Bill Pullman,

And George Washington, Paul Revere, the French – didn’t they help us way back then? (and if they didn’t, Lady Liberty is still kind of sweet), John Adams, Samuel Adams, all the other Founding Fathers, Roland Emmerich, all the nutjobs who actually believe in Area 51, Patrick Henry, Pat the Patriot, and all the real Americans (yes, the Native ones) that helped the original colonists survive in the first place. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for having a part in creating the amazing country that I live in, and for making the following speech possible:

Love,

A Proud Citizen of the United States of America

30
Jun
11

Guest Letter

From now on I’m going to post guest letters on the main page, just way easier to find and comment. Today’s edition comes from Leoni Evans (http://twitter.com/#!/legpresslover), who is a fan of beards, which is a good thing for me.

Dear Tommy,

I didn’t really know how to start this letter but I would like to say thank you. To many people especially my family and friends that would seem strange but I cannot begin to express the impact you have had on my life and my outlook. From the second we met in that chance encounter you had me smiling and for the first time in years I felt happy and probably for the first time ever I felt truly content. You have given me faith in love, you have shown me what love actually is, what it can and should be. You are a hard act to follow, I will never settle for anything less now.

From an outside perspective it would appear that you broke my heart, but it was the situation that was the heartbreaker not you. As cliché as it sounds I believe that if our circumstances were different we would still be living a happy life together. The person you are and how you live your life is responsible for a lot of that, with your health conditions you are somewhat like Peter Pan and I envy that.  Yes you have a tendency to over think things at times but for the most part you live life for the moment, you look for fun and kicks, I wish I could live my life like that but it isn’t my nature, we complemented each other in so many ways.

I have never experienced such a raw and animalistic attraction with someone before, remembering the way you would chew your lip, let out an uncontrolled guttural growl and grab me close still brings a smile to my face. I really miss the closeness we shared, the way that we unconsciously stroked or touched each other, the way we slept entwined all night, and how even during sleep we reached out if the other had moved. I felt so connected to you and being in your arms felt like home.

I felt it then and still do now, you complete me. Life took us in different directions, and as much as we felt for each other sometimes you listen to your head not your heart. To this day I regret not driving those 6 hours to see you when you said you couldn’t do it anymore, to see your face one last time to end our time together properly, to reassure you that I did know it was the best thing for us to do although it felt like everything was falling apart.

I hope to meet you again in the future, when I’ve done the things I want to do and am in a position of freedom. I know that won’t be for at least a few years and that a lot of things can happen over that amount of time, but deep down you will still be the same young, fun, caring and loving person you always have been and someone that can only enhance my life.

Until that day arrives I hope we both continue living in a way that brings us happiness, laughter and love.

Leoni

28
Jun
11

Is it me, or are you the world’s biggest p^ssy? *

Dear Attractive Female with Nice Cleavage at Gate 25,

Maybe if Delta hadn’t screwed me again for the 2nd time in a week. Maybe if the burger I had ordered while waiting at JFK for 5 hours hadn’t been overcooked with the wrong cheese on it. Maybe if the iced tea I ordered hadn’t been peach (with no warning, I hate that crap). Maybe if the two drunk ritards next to us at the gate weren’t so loud and obnoxious. Maybe if I had a bigger set of balls…Maybe I would’ve taken my ipod off and chatted you up. Crap, I just used an incredibly British phrase, I hope I’m not turning into one of those assholes that goes to London for a week and comes back pretending to be English.

Anyway, I’m actually reviewing the last paragraph and realizing it’s not really true. All those things happened to me, yes; but none of them prevented me from talking to you. The only thing that did that was the same thing that prohibits me from talking to a random female at the grocery store. What is that thing? I’m not entirely sure. It’s part because it’s a slightly abnormal social situation, part not wanting to be ‘that guy,’ part being a bit of a p-word when it comes to approaching females.

But at the end of the day, what can I say in that situation that doesn’t make me come off like a skeevy asshole? Besides, you had your headphones in too…it isn’t as if you were inviting some dude that had been traveling for nearly 24 hours (but didn’t smell like it, always throw some deodorant in your carry on when traveling internationally) to hit on you. And let’s not be bashful here, it was going to be an effort to hit on you/flirt with you, even if it was only a mild one. Was there a fleeting moment where I imagined us talking for 10 minutes before sneaking into the bathroom for a quickie? Of course there was. But really, I just wanted to spend 20 minutes talking to an attractive female. Neither happened.

Just do me a favor, next time you travel and don’t want to be bothered, don’t wear a shirt that shows so much cleavage. It attracts attention.

Cheerio,

Jeremy

*Stand By Me




Letters sent…

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