Posts Tagged ‘men


“are we clear?…crystal”

Dear Shannon,

I’m going to try to make this letter as nice as possible, though given the deterioration of whatever it is we had, it might be difficult.  I guess I’ll start with the harshest sentence you’ll read.  I figure it’s easier this way, instead of treating you like a New York Jets fan, where I’m really nice to you at the start, reel you in, and then deliver harsh blow after harsh blow for the remainder of the season, er, letter.  Yet, as always, I digress. Ok, here goes nothing: I want absolutely nothing to do with you for the rest of our respective lives, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

I mean, really, think about it…what would be the effing point?  Let’s focus on a couple major points: 1. you are engaged to a guy who for some reason feels threatened by me 2. To be honest, I just don’t really have a good time when we socialize.  As per issue #2, it’s not that you are a bad person, because you are quite nice, but for me, ‘nice’ is about the nicest thing I can say about you.   I just think our personalities don’t mix very well.  And issue #1, why the hell would you want me to come to your poker night, or grab dinner with you, when A. you know I’ve been avoiding you for like two years now and B. it would piss your fiancee off.

We went out on one date, ONE DATE!  I realize that after said date, we would hang out every so often, but did you not realize it was just a matter of convenience for both of us?  Both of us were somewhat new to small towns, and because we are both nice people we wanted to help integrate each other into the social pipelines.  Well, from that standpoint, we were quite successful.  Only we ended up in completely separate social circles.  And I’m not here to tell you mine is cooler than yours or anything like that, but they are simply different.  And when I have free time from my own social circle, I want to enjoy some me time (not in that way, get your mind out of the gutter)…hence, not with you and your crew.

At least we have a better relationship that Col. Jessup & Lt. Kaffee...Photo Courtsey of

So, when you would call, or text, or email at first I would come up with an excuse as to why I couldn’t; then after those wore off I started coming up with lame excuses; until finally I just stopped responding whatsoever.  Every time I think I get my point across (like when you don’t contact me after a few weeks), I get some desperate message from you about how you ‘miss me’ and how we ‘never hang out anymore.’ Um, yeah, we haven’t in about four years.  So hopefully this letter seals the deal.

Again, I’m not trying to come off as an asshole…even though I know that is how I sound.  My major point in all this is that everyone our age has pretty busy lives – trying to manage work, in some cases school, friends, significant others, dating, family, all that crap…when we have down time away from all that we should be able to spend it in any way we see fit.  And like I said, hanging out with you is not a good fit for me.  Would it be better if I gave in and we had an awkward, uncomfortable dinner where you realized face to face that I don’t enjoy your company?  I didn’t think so.

Finally, I’d be remiss not to say…as a woman in her upper 20′s facebook status’ that beg for sympathy are simply inexcusable.  Saying crap like, “feeling lonely tonight” is not going to make me want to reach out and grab a drink with you…it makes we want to throw up in my mouth a little, only because I know it’s not genuine.

Clear enough for you?

Crystal I hope.

ps – This is neither here nor there because we both knew we were never going to be an item 10 minutes into our single date, but hooking up with my two best friends within a couple weeks of that date wasn’t the classiest thing to do.

Letters sent…

December 2012
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