Posts Tagged ‘music

09
Feb
11

dear damien rice,

The other night I got into a conversation at the bar with a couple of female friends of mine about wedding songs. As in, what do you want to be played (preferably by the sweet-ass band, and not a DJ) when you have your first dance with your new spouse. The conversation didn’t last long, as we were in a small, local bar, that all of a sudden was taken over by a group called the Gay Sports Alliance, or something along those lines. Trust me, I don’t have any issue with it at all, but it got extremely loud extremely quickly and normal conversation just wasn’t going to happen. I was actually psyched the GSA showed up, because I figured if any eligible females showed up, I had a waaay better chance than normal. Yet, I digress. And no, I didn’t take anyone home.

Long story short, I couldn’t really come up with a good answer. Naturally, I ran through some of my favorite bands/musicians, and most of that stuff just doesn’t cut it. “Black” by Pearl Jam? Radiohead’s “Fake Plastic Trees?” “Burn” by Ray Lamontagne or pretty much anything you wrote, Damien? All of these songs are absolutely unreal feats of song-writing…however they are far more fitting for a breakup, not an effing marriage. I just realized why I like all this depressing music, I get rejected lots, the music is mood-fitting. Cue the sympathy comments!

Anyway, on my way home I was listening to a show of yours I downloaded (legally, I think…) from about 5 years ago, and you rocked an unreleased track, heard here…

I’m sure you remember all the lyrics, after all it is your own song, but for all those who um, might randomly stumble upon this incredibly private letter to you, this link might prove helpful. You can listen, and read at your own discretion, but it’s this line that really hit me…

I’ve got so much beauty around me I can’t move
I’ve got so much beauty around me I can’t lose

That’s what I want to be played during my first dance. Not only a shout out to the love between me and my (crossing fingers) future intelligent, funny, witty, smoking hot, honest, caring wife (I bet you didn’t even notice how I snuck in ‘smoking hot,’ did you?), but I feel like it also pays homage to my family and friends, right? I feel like it also might work in lieu of a thank you speech from me, because while I can ramble with a keyboard like Dickens, I don’t like public speaking. I can picture it now….’Franks Dad is here, that’s awesome, I haven’t seen him in like 8 years.

Sorry, I’m not a talker, I’m not a talker…’

 

 

26
Jan
11

dear ione skye & john cusack,

Thanks for making it nearly impossible for men all over the world to let go of a girlfriend. I guess in all fairness I should include Cameron Crowe & Peter Gabriel in this letter also. Let me tell you the lesson that I, and millions of other males, learned the first time we saw this movie: “Gentleman, if a woman breaks up with you and you want her back, it’s simple, stand outside her window playing some romantic love song in the wee hours of the morning and I promise, you will win her back!” Well, though I am sure I am not the first to come to this conclusion – this strategy doesn’t work in real life.

To be honest, I don’t have any empirical proof to back it up, since I’ve never been so desperate to get back together with someone (though, there are MANY girls I’ve been desperate to get together with in the first place, but that’s a different situation). The only reason I know it doesn’t work is because I’m not an idiot. While in many ways I’m an idealist, and would love to believe I could win a woman’s heart over by standing outside her door holding my iphone above my head with it blaring “fill in cheesy love song from this decade,” I know it just doesn’t happen that way. Or maybe, it does. I’m going to cut myself off from blabbing on and on and open this up to the general public…Ladies & Gents, please comment with quick story if something similar to the following scene has happened in your life, and not only that, if it actually did the trick.

13
Jan
11

dear elvis,

I know you are the man, or, and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, you were the man…but so is Eddie Vedder and hence I’ve decided to include Pearl Jam’s cover in this quick letter to you.  But I’m addressing this to you because you penned the lyrics that are so simple, and oh so effective. It’s the lesson we all learn from the time we start becoming romantically interested (in my case) members of the opposite sex – don’t rush to fall in love with a chick, she’ll probably just break your heart.  Yes, even in the 3rd grade (I’m thinking of you, Jennifer B!).  But most of us aren’t wired that way, are we? We see what we want to see – a bright future with a nice house and kids (or in the 3rd grade, crushing the swingset together) We feel how we feel, and we fall in love all too easily.  Anotherwords, we ‘can’t help’ it, falling in love that is…you see what I did there?  I’m so effing clever sometimes it hurts.

Anyway, that’s what your song means, in a few brief words, to me.  Now I need to go continue to sunburn myself, so it will turn into a tan by the time I get back to snowy New England and chicks will be all to quick to fall in love with me!

Sunburnt in Cayman,

Val (personally I think he played you best in ‘True Romance’)

31
Dec
10

it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve *

Dear Every Girl at Every bar i’ve been to for the past three New Years Eve’s,

I have a very simple question for you: why have none of you made out with me at midnight? I guess I should amend the “every girl” to “every available girl,” as it’s not fair to castigate those females that were attached to significant others of their own at the time.  However, the rest of you have very little in the way of excuses.  I don’t get it, why have I not been able to kiss someone as the ball drops for 5-10 seconds.  That’s all I’m asking for, it hasn’t happened since NYE 200effing6!  I think I’m doing the right things – scoping out the scene a couple of hours ahead of time, zoning in on a few (un)lucky females at about 11:30, maybe a drink at the bar, maybe a dance here or there, and by 11:58 there always seems to be a 99% chance that I’m going to make out.  But alas…

I’ll pretty much leave it at that, as I realize the last thing people want on New Years Eve is some dark and depressing letter about some poor sap that can’t manage to kiss a girl.  And trust me, the longer this goes the less witty it will become…if it was every witty. So today, I beg of you single females that I come across tonight, all I’m asking for is a kiss, it doesn’t even have to include tongue.  I’m not going to try to take you home, or even ask for your number (though if you are up for either of those things I won’t necessarily be opposed to them), I just want to make out with one of you.

And even if I don’t as Pearl Jam sang on New Years Eve almost two decades ago, “Hey, I, I, oh, I’m still alive.”

*When Harry Met Sally




Letters sent…

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