Posts Tagged ‘nba


Dear Lebron,

Sometimes breakups don’t always go as expected, do they? You traded in your ex-girlfriend, who was basically the equivalent of your childhood sweetheart. A loyal, kind, homely girlfriend who always treated you with nothing short of reverence. But that wasn’t enough for you…you wanted the glitz and glamor of the the high school prom queen. Well how’d that turn out for you?

So far, all she did was take a giant dump on your head. Not only that, all the rest of the kids in high school hate you for what you did to your ex. But as you said, “they have to wake up tomorrow & have the same life that they had before they woke up today.” As do you “King” James…a life without a single championship ring (or without a single low post move, but that is for another time).

You come up with excuse after excuse for why you broke up with your ex, on national tv no less, and now we are going to have to deal with an offseason full of excuses as to why you and your current girlfriend aren’t working out too well yet either. You might blame her parents (for the purposes of this metaphor, Spolestra = parents) for not giving you enough control, you might blame her for not being totally over her former lover (Wade), but you certainly won’t blame yourself for failing to dance with her during the king/queen, when it really mattered (aka the 4th quarter).

The bottom line is, only YOU created this world where we have to wake up and live the same lives as before you blew yet another year of your career…but if you hadn’t dicked over your ex so badly, we wouldn’t loathe you like we do.

Signed, 99.9% of NBA fans

ps – I know the metaphor go a bit carried away, but it’s Monday at 8 am…give me a freaking break.


“man im so hyped right now…anything is possible…anything is possibllllllllleeeeeee!!!!!”*

Dear Big 3,

And by ‘big 3′ I mean Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett. I am not including Rajon Rondo in this letter because he was not an original member, and he will be a Boston Celtic for hopefully a long time to come…something I’m not sure I can say for the other three.

Sure, Pierce will remain in Boston and retire in the famed Green & White (in this day and age, it would be a miracle for him to play in one place his entire career), but how many years do his legs have left? There is a decent chance Ray Allen will opt out, and Ainge will dangle Garnett & his contract as trade bait. It’s not that these guys aren’t good anymore, it’s just that they are one season (and 6 minutes of a game 7) removed from being a true title contender.

And as a result I, and the entire city of Boston, must break up with you. It has been an amazing four year run though guys, and I’ll always remember it fondly. On top of that, based on this blog it has clearly been the longest relationship I’ve had to date. In a lot of ways it’s been similar to a real relationship: honeymoon period went amazingly well (title in year one), followed by a tenuous year two where things got a little bit stale (upset by Orlando in Round 2). I thought about breaking up with you then, but we managed to rebound in a big way in our third year together…perhaps it was the inclusion of some kinkiness in the bedroom (in this metaphor, we’ll equate that to Rondo turning into an MVP candidate), but whatever it was we nearly won another title last year. But then we held on too long; lets face it, all year we knew this was kind of over. We tried to make it work and see if we could get over the hump one last time…and failed.

Though I don’t wish any ill will upon you, I hope we can remain friends. However, should any of you play for another team (aka date another guy) I will boo and hiss you just like I do any ex. No, that’s not true…I’ll look at you and always be reminded of this moment, and be forever grateful.

Love always,


*Kevin Garnett

Letters sent…

December 2012
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