Posts Tagged ‘pearl jam


Dear St. Valentine,

I bet, given the typical nature of this blog, you are expecting a somewhat harsh, overly sarcastic letter about how much you suck and how much I loathe you. Well, great foresight St. V, you are correct. Nah, just kidding.

While I might be a tad bitter that I’m having Valentines Day dinner with my parents tonight and thus probably ruining a truly romantic evening for the two of them that would no doubt end with a totally wild session of…Masterpiece Theatre & a glass of brandy; and I’m clearly extremely bitter that I’m still single, at the end of the day I still kind of appreciate all the love on this day. Exhibit A – the lovely Valentines Day tweet I received from the hottest, and most talented writer in NYC. I mean, I’m not going to receive something like this, “Happy Valentines Day Tweetheart!” in real life. She even called my a cyber version of, ‘sweetheart.’ I’ve got a deep red blush going just writing about it.

I would like to question your placement of the holiday though, Mr. Valentine. Having been in an actual relationship in the past over V-Day, it puts tons of pressure on us guys to come up with yet another awe-inspiring gift so closely on the heels of the Christmas/Hanukah holiday time. We barely have time to catch our collective breaths before we start getting hints about a new piece of jewelry, or color of roses, or overpriced dinner reservation we have to make. But I guess that’s neither here nor there, since it won’t be changed. I just think guys would be a bit more apt to fully delve into the passion that females display for Valentines Day if we had a bit more time to rest after Christmas.

Seriously though, I think all singles focus a bit too much on the negative today. Big effing deal, we aren’t going to get laid tonight (at least, not by someone who we actually know, or like, or will know their name tomorrow morning), but 99% of us singles are still loved by a number of people. Sure, maybe it’s only by your friends, or relatives…but at least someone appreciates you. As the oft-referred to Eddie Vedder sings,

“Oh I’m a lucky man,to count on both hands, the ones I love.”

Would I like this day more if I was taking an intelligent (possibly glasses wearing), witty, caring, sexy female out for a candlelit dinner tonight who afterwords was going to strip down into some mind-blowingly hot new lingerie she purchased for me? Yes, yes I would. But, and not for a lack of trying, that isn’t going to happen. I accept that…and I accept even more the love that is a part of my life.

Now, if we could just do something about those effing Kay Jewelers commercials…


HLJ (actual initials…just jumbled).


it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve *

Dear Every Girl at Every bar i’ve been to for the past three New Years Eve’s,

I have a very simple question for you: why have none of you made out with me at midnight? I guess I should amend the “every girl” to “every available girl,” as it’s not fair to castigate those females that were attached to significant others of their own at the time.  However, the rest of you have very little in the way of excuses.  I don’t get it, why have I not been able to kiss someone as the ball drops for 5-10 seconds.  That’s all I’m asking for, it hasn’t happened since NYE 200effing6!  I think I’m doing the right things – scoping out the scene a couple of hours ahead of time, zoning in on a few (un)lucky females at about 11:30, maybe a drink at the bar, maybe a dance here or there, and by 11:58 there always seems to be a 99% chance that I’m going to make out.  But alas…

I’ll pretty much leave it at that, as I realize the last thing people want on New Years Eve is some dark and depressing letter about some poor sap that can’t manage to kiss a girl.  And trust me, the longer this goes the less witty it will become…if it was every witty. So today, I beg of you single females that I come across tonight, all I’m asking for is a kiss, it doesn’t even have to include tongue.  I’m not going to try to take you home, or even ask for your number (though if you are up for either of those things I won’t necessarily be opposed to them), I just want to make out with one of you.

And even if I don’t as Pearl Jam sang on New Years Eve almost two decades ago, “Hey, I, I, oh, I’m still alive.”

*When Harry Met Sally


Dear Eddie Vedder,

So I feel bad Eddie, because I really should be writing a letter to one of my females today since it’s been a few days.  But I’m giving myself an out because quite frankly, grad school needs to come first this week.  I promised myself I’d finish whatever school work I have remaining for the semester (and since I’m finishing this semester, forever).  Hence, I am pulling a slight copout by writing you this quickie.  The following clip illustrates two things: 1. how badass you are, how many musicians pull a surprise trip to a late night talk show and 2. the lyrics you sing are quite possibly the best lyrics to describe heartbreak.  For me, anyway.  After all, isn’t much of heartbreak comprised of not having someone in your life you wish you had?  Of course, I might just be talking myself into some BS because I would probably do anything for you…not sexually man, get your mind out of the gutter.  I promise you Eddie, that I will write a full letter to an ex before I inhale some turkey in two days, because I know you are out there somewhere reading them, and you will probably write a song about them, call me up on stage, invite me backstage to meet the band, teach me how to surf…ok whoops, just creeped myself out.

Love You Rock,

Jeremy (haha get it, like the song!)

Letters sent…

December 2012
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