Posts Tagged ‘youtube


dear alabama & clarence,

Before I delve into the beauty of this final scene, first let me thank you for allowing me the opportunity to figure out how to embed a youtube clip with a specific start time. While not exactly complicated, I never really needed to before. But with this clip, I decided it best to start halfway through, no real reason to force people to view an extreme close up of a bloody eye and what not. Alas, if people really want to watch that part they can always move the cursor backwards a bit.

Anyhoo…let’s be clear about a few things: even though I am using this scene I do not A. want to be shot in the eye B. be chased by the mafia or C. marry a call girl. Yes, even a call girl as badass and sexy as you, Alabama. Something tells me the inevitable meeting of the (my jewish & slightly JAPpy) parents would be just too awkward. What I do know is that I want to ride off into the sunset with someone that badass, and that sexy, and preferably with music that effing sweet playing in the background. Oh, I also want someone (a female someone) to think I am so cool, so cool, so cool…

And as cheesy as this sounds, I think the real beauty of this scene lies in the solitude of the small family in the beach on the end. Do they not seem completely content with simply each other? Actually, ‘content’ is probably not a strong enough word…lets use the word ‘happy’ instead. I know it’s bland & generic, but it also really gets the point across. I am not ready for a wife and kids, yet, but I guess what I am ready for is the thought of a family. I want to go through the normal process (as in, not getting married the morning after meeting a female in a movie theater on my birthday, who then turns out to have been a hooker for four days, going to kill her pimp, stealing a bunch of drugs yada yada yada); I want to date a intelligent, funny, beautiful woman; I want to fall in love and propose, and have an amazing wedding on the beach at my parents house (yes, mom & dad, you dont need to start preparing the house quite yet), then have a kid or two. But like I said, I am not ready for all of that quite yet…for now, I just want a girl to think I’m cool.

Wow, I had no idea I was going to get that heavy from that scene…It is an amazing clip, and movie, though. I guess it deserves something a bit emotional. I think I might even pop in the bluray…


ps – Note to the future Mrs. Dearexgirlfriend, I’m not naming our kid Elvis.


dear ione skye & john cusack,

Thanks for making it nearly impossible for men all over the world to let go of a girlfriend. I guess in all fairness I should include Cameron Crowe & Peter Gabriel in this letter also. Let me tell you the lesson that I, and millions of other males, learned the first time we saw this movie: “Gentleman, if a woman breaks up with you and you want her back, it’s simple, stand outside her window playing some romantic love song in the wee hours of the morning and I promise, you will win her back!” Well, though I am sure I am not the first to come to this conclusion – this strategy doesn’t work in real life.

To be honest, I don’t have any empirical proof to back it up, since I’ve never been so desperate to get back together with someone (though, there are MANY girls I’ve been desperate to get together with in the first place, but that’s a different situation). The only reason I know it doesn’t work is because I’m not an idiot. While in many ways I’m an idealist, and would love to believe I could win a woman’s heart over by standing outside her door holding my iphone above my head with it blaring “fill in cheesy love song from this decade,” I know it just doesn’t happen that way. Or maybe, it does. I’m going to cut myself off from blabbing on and on and open this up to the general public…Ladies & Gents, please comment with quick story if something similar to the following scene has happened in your life, and not only that, if it actually did the trick.


dear elvis,

I know you are the man, or, and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, you were the man…but so is Eddie Vedder and hence I’ve decided to include Pearl Jam’s cover in this quick letter to you.  But I’m addressing this to you because you penned the lyrics that are so simple, and oh so effective. It’s the lesson we all learn from the time we start becoming romantically interested (in my case) members of the opposite sex – don’t rush to fall in love with a chick, she’ll probably just break your heart.  Yes, even in the 3rd grade (I’m thinking of you, Jennifer B!).  But most of us aren’t wired that way, are we? We see what we want to see – a bright future with a nice house and kids (or in the 3rd grade, crushing the swingset together) We feel how we feel, and we fall in love all too easily.  Anotherwords, we ‘can’t help’ it, falling in love that is…you see what I did there?  I’m so effing clever sometimes it hurts.

Anyway, that’s what your song means, in a few brief words, to me.  Now I need to go continue to sunburn myself, so it will turn into a tan by the time I get back to snowy New England and chicks will be all to quick to fall in love with me!

Sunburnt in Cayman,

Val (personally I think he played you best in ‘True Romance’)


dear matt damon & minnie driver,

I should probably let you know the following: I am not an orphan, no one stabbed me, no one put cigarettes out on me (though I do have a hole in an old fleece from a lighter, but I think that was a drunken mishap), and I’ve never dated a medical student.  This last part really pisses me off, since 94% of the reason I went to grad school was to meet a future neurosurgeon that would allow me to reach my full potential of becoming ‘Mr. Mom.’ Yet I digress.

So while I have never been any of the above things, I have been in both of your shoes in the past.  I’ve been ‘Skylar-ed,’ where someone I’ve dated put some intense pressure on me; and I’ve been ‘Will Hunting-ed,’ where someone refused to confront how they really felt (I owe you more of an explanation on this link…bottom line is she claims to have lead me on, I think she just couldn’t deal with her emotions for numerous reasons.  Whether my theory is true or not, it’s waaay easier for me to accept, so we’ll go with that).  I think that is what made you so effective in this scene, Matt, you clearly love Skylar but you refused to admit it.  I might also add that in my Basics of Acting class in college, I nailed this scene as well…to the point where the professor told me after he thought I was actually going to hit my co-actor.  My acting career ended there, I’ve always been told I have a face for radio…there I go digressing again.

Both situations kind of suck, let’s face it, who likes someone applying pressure to a situation…no matter how you feel about someone, that person asking you to give up your life and move to California isn’t that sweet.  But being Skylar is quite a bit more painful, in my book anyway.  It’s one thing to feel strongly about a person, and not have that person feel the same way; but it’s a whole different ballgame when you know that person feels the same, but for one reason or another (you know, like fear of abandonment issues b/c your foster-father used to beat you with a wrench before shipping you off to the next foster home), can’t acknowledge it.

Alright before I write myself into a deep depression, I’ll just let you enjoy the scene you both so wonderfully crafted.



ps – Minnie where the hell have you been the last 13 years?

Letters sent…

December 2012
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